How's your December been?
I've been away from here too long...
This post may make sense or not...nothing really seems to lately.
My birthday was a couple days ago..
I had a nice time..
I even splurged and had chocolate mousse cake.
I don't know about you,
but I always mark the year by my birthday.
It is your very own New Year after all.
This year for me has been one of many losses.
Situations that I thought I would not survive if they came to pass, started to happen.
It began last December 29th, when my father passed away.
His illness began in 2011, so wrapping my mind around
his eventual demise was extremely difficult.
I was so focused on his dying that I neglected many of the living.
It was fast as far as this particular illness goes.
I'm grateful his suffering is over.
We lost many beloved pets
this year too...
We went from having eight cats
to two in a matter of days really.
Compared to my dad's passing you'd think it
wouldn't hurt so much
but it really did.
As you know, my daughter moved away
for school...
she left and and my niece went with her.
They aren't very far away
but their absence is palpable in this house.
I'm proud of them.
But...
There's no arguing,
no piano,
no arpeggios flying though the rooms.
Just a lot of quiet.
I also lost an old friend
we shared many experiences,
And all the emotions that go along with any relationship.
Happiness, sadness, joy, fear, relief, anger, love
All of that is gone.
If this person even existed at all,
I'm half convinced it was an illusion.
This house always felt so small
not enough room for everyone and everything.
And I liked it that way..
Did I want a space of my own to do with as I pleased...?
yes of course!
But the bustle and mess were priceless,
for all my complaints about having to clean up
I was pretty OK with it all.
I knew it wouldn't remain that way always.
I have my little one
and she is my northern star
my lighthouse.
As I am hers.
Our happy adventures are just starting.
This new year is going to be much better than last.
I say a year of loss, but it's more a year of change I guess.
Beginnings not endings.
There will be joy again...
for all that this year has been to me
I will continue to be who I am.
I'd like to thank everyone
that has been there for us and offered their
love, support & friendship
I'm so very grateful to you.
And if life is feeling off and
pushing you down,
hang on,
magic will find find it's way back to you soon.
See you really soon :-)
