My December

 

 How's your December been?

I've been away from here too long...

This post may make sense or not...nothing really seems to lately.

 My birthday was a couple days ago..

I had a nice time..

I even splurged and had chocolate mousse cake.

  I don't know about you, 

but I always mark the year by my birthday.

It is your very own New Year after all.

This year for me has been one of many losses.

Situations that I thought I would not survive if they came to pass,  started to happen.

 It began last December 29th, when my father passed away.

His illness began in 2011, so wrapping my mind around

his eventual demise was extremely difficult.

I was so focused on his dying that I neglected many of the living. 

 It was fast as far as this particular illness goes.

I'm grateful his suffering is over.

 We lost many beloved pets

this year too...

We went from having eight cats

 to two in a matter of days really.

Compared to my dad's passing you'd think it

wouldn't hurt so much

but it really did. 

As you know, my daughter moved away

for school... 

she left and and my niece went with her.

They aren't very far away

but their absence is palpable in this house.

 I'm proud of them.

But...

There's no arguing,

 no piano,

 no arpeggios flying though the rooms.

Just a lot of quiet.

I also lost an old friend

we shared many experiences,

And all the emotions that go along with any relationship.

Happiness, sadness, joy, fear, relief, anger, love

All of that is gone. 

If this person even existed at all,

I'm half convinced it was an illusion.

 This house always felt so small

not enough room for everyone and everything.

And I liked it that way..

Did I want a space of my own to do with as I pleased...?

yes of course!

But the bustle and mess were priceless,

for all my complaints about having to clean up

I was pretty OK with it all.

I knew it wouldn't remain that way always.

 

 

I have my little one

and she is my northern star

my lighthouse.

As I am hers.

Our happy adventures are just starting.

This new year is going to be much better than last.

I say a year of loss, but it's more a year of change I guess.

Beginnings not endings.

There will be joy again...

for all that this year has been to me

I will continue to be who I am.

 I'd like to thank everyone

 that has been there for us and offered their

 love, support &  friendship

I'm so very grateful to you.

And if life is feeling off and

pushing you down,

hang on,

magic will find find it's way back to you soon.

 See you really soon :-)