“And above all,
watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you,
because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
― Roald Dahl





Friday, December 12, 2014

My December


 
 How's your December been?
I've been away from here too long...
This post may make sense or not...nothing really seems to lately.

 My birthday was a couple days ago..
I had a nice time..
I even splurged and had chocolate mousse cake.



  I don't know about you, 
but I always mark the year by my birthday.
It is your very own New Year after all.

This year for me has been one of many losses.
Situations that I thought I would not survive if they came to pass,  started to happen.
 It began last December 29th, when my father passed away.
His illness began in 2011, so wrapping my mind around
his eventual demise was extremely difficult.
I was so focused on his dying that I neglected many of the living. 
 It was fast as far as this particular illness goes.
I'm grateful his suffering is over.




 We lost many beloved pets
this year too...
We went from having eight cats
 to two in a matter of days really.
Compared to my dad's passing you'd think it
wouldn't hurt so much
but it really did. 



As you know, my daughter moved away
for school... 
she left and and my niece went with her.
They aren't very far away
but their absence is palpable in this house.
 I'm proud of them.
But...
There's no arguing,
 no piano,
 no arpeggios flying though the rooms.
Just a lot of quiet.




I also lost an old friend
we shared many experiences,
And all the emotions that go along with any relationship.
Happiness, sadness, joy, fear, relief, anger, love
All of that is gone. 
If this person even existed at all,
I'm half convinced it was an illusion.




 This house always felt so small
not enough room for everyone and everything.
And I liked it that way..
Did I want a space of my own to do with as I pleased...?
yes of course!
But the bustle and mess were priceless,
for all my complaints about having to clean up
I was pretty OK with it all.
I knew it wouldn't remain that way always.
 

 
I have my little one
and she is my northern star
my lighthouse.
As I am hers.
Our happy adventures are just starting.
This new year is going to be much better than last.






I say a year of loss, but it's more a year of change I guess.
Beginnings not endings.
There will be joy again...
for all that this year has been to me
I will continue to be who I am.




 I'd like to thank everyone
 that has been there for us and offered their
 love, support &  friendship
I'm so very grateful to you.

And if life is feeling off and
pushing you down,
hang on,
magic will find find it's way back to you soon.






 See you really soon :-)

 
 
 
 

 
 



7 comments:

  1. I just have to say that last year I lost 2 cats in less than 3 days - went from 4 to 2 - the house was SO empty. . .once I felt "well" enough, we went to the local no-kill shelter and got 2 more, and then 6 months later, my husband brought home another - so now we are bursting with cats :) This year is going to be full of extraordinary things and I know your year will be full of magic, too ~ Blessings to you & yours, Christ

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  2. Oh Marfi, I know your loss. It's been 28-29 years since I lost both my parents at the same time and the holidays are different because of the loss but we have made up our own traditions that I am so grateful for. We have no children like you do, so there are other voids that we fill, but this is the beauty of our lives; love truly remains.

    SO GOOD TO SEE YOU POST!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Life is a kicker! isn't it? As long as we can feel! we are alive!
    Embraces YOUR life! Joy from you will make others happy in their lives and such is the cycle of human s....
    I'm happy I popped in as I as well am absence from what was fun at one time, but we can't be Everything!
    Hold your loved ones close and breathe! A very Happy New Birthday!
    best wishes..xoDebi

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  4. Life keeps giving us opportunities to see what we are made of. Each of these leaves a mark on us as well. So sorry for your losses. So glad for your spirit. Happy that you shared with us here.
    Happy Birthday late.....or maybe it's early next year.....
    Wishing you joy and comfort and love, Oma Linda

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  5. Dearest Marfi,
    I know this year has been a struggle and I am so sorry. I'm glad to see you blogging a bit and I'm glad you can already look at the past times as change and a new beginning.
    I'd forgotten that it's your birthday, Happy Birthday! I'm glad I sent your Yule card early then, so it can double as a birthday card :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sweet Marfi,
    I am sending you big virtual (((((((hugs))))))) from Alabama. One of the toughest things for me to cope with in life is when a relationship ends through death, moving, disagreements, etc. I can so relate to this post and your sadness. I admire your attitude in recognizing the positives, the chance and hope for new beginnings. You are one of the sweetest people in blogland, and you deserve a wonderful new birthday year and 2015. I wish and pray for you all the best that life has to offer, and I hope you and your adorable daughter develop an even stronger bond.

    Thanks so much for your encouragement with my advent journal. I appreciate it more than words can express!

    Merry Christmas!

    xo,
    RJ

    ReplyDelete
  7. Living is a crazy mix of chaos, love, joy, sadness and everything else in between. I wish you the brightest blessings for your birthday and new year. I'm glad your posting again.

    ReplyDelete

thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it:)

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